Scared to sing?
Let me tell you a secret. I am fantastically afraid of singing. Well, not so much a secret anymore, after writing about impostor syndrome and some other not so glorious aspects of going for the things I so passionately want to do. I am realizing it’s actually being achingly scared to let my voice rumble through what sometimes feel like uncooperative vocal cords (I have a theory that they can sense fear!) and body. Heck, I was actually a bit afraid to practice in front of my husband, who has heard me a thousand times, if not more! Yes, actually nervous practicing in the safety of my own home, the most accepting human being beside me. Let us all take a moment in honor of my mighty and complicated mind (in other words: wtf?) In light of this, a huge thank you to everyone who has listened to "Naive Heart", it means the world to me <3
Naturally, this isn’t a pervasive feeling all day, every day. I have my glory moments. But recently I’ve found myself, again, struggling as singing has felt…well frankly, difficult. I know I can analyze the crap out of everything and here I was analyzing the crap out of my COLOSSAL PROBLEM OF VOCAL INABILITY. Can you see where this led me? *Sigh*
You see, in my mind, all my peers have a blissfully uncomplicated relationship with singing. Ahh, like it’s the most natural thing ever (which it is, to be fair), unhindered by any crippling self-doubt, and most importantly, everyone around them acknowledges this natural gift, too. Then there’s me, the girl who slid through some crack to be surrounded by these people who sang their way out of the womb. And yes, I know many truly amazing singers and musicians whose parents/environment inundated them with the world of music from the age of crapping-your-pants and seem to turn every note into gold ever since fairy godmother blessed them with the permission to sing til’ eternity.
I am saying this with a twinkle in my eye, of course, and utmost respect for my peers who inspire me. But gosh, imagine the not so subtle feeling of inferiority when all I see is ”I have always been singing, as a child I sung and played all the time and my musician-parents have really supported me in my career since infancy” as the stamp of approval for their artistry. In my mind, at least.
You may be thinking now ”she must be terribly envious of those people, then”. Well, honestly, of course I am. I truly envy those who were thrown into the lake very early on, but I’m determined to use my energy on improving, and focusing on the progress I have made. I believe envy can be used as a positive fuel for finding out the things in yourself that are yet to be uncovered - untapped potential waiting to be harnessed, if you will.
But here’s another, very important point I believe to be true: there is room for everybody, always, because the world needs what I (and you) have to give, which is different than what someone else is able to give. The world is abundant with opportunities for each individual who’s ready to take action, despite the fear and trembling of hands.
I sang in public for the first time during high school, that’s when my parents first heard me really sing. Serious singing started much later. It took a long time to overcome my shyness. Being semi-professional in music, I'm the first in my family. My path is distinctly different from many others, but maybe that’s a good thing. It just so happens to be what God saw fit to give me, for a reason. I’ll be sure to make this journey worth every minute, be it however frightening to open my mouth. I hope to see you do the same! It's never too late.